Shadows Of The Past
by FireBringer
Summary: Sakura’s life is tangled and broken. The Ghost returns to her every night and she can’t escape his clutches.Along comes a stranger, handsome, cool, he is Sakura’s only way out. While Sakura chases the Shadows of her Past, Syaoran Li is determined to
1. Default Chapter

Hey!!!!!!!! This story is a little on the disturbing side, so if your easily distressed I suggest you turn around and find another fic. Anyway, I do not own CCS OR CC OR CLAMP, CLAMP does. (Does that make sense?) 

Ok, hope you like it and if you don't please review and tell me why!

**Sakura's life is tangled and broken. The Ghost returns to her every night and she can't escape his clutches.**

Along comes a stranger, handsome, cool, he is Sakura's only way out. While Sakura chases the Shadows of her Past, Syaoran Li is determined to chase her.

**A Father. A daughter. A stranger. And unspoken secrets.**

I always knew that I'd find out some day, find out why and how and when. Why my life was different from all the others, why I was punished every day of my young life for being born into a world that I didn't understand. In some way, I think I always knew. I don't think I ever needed him to spell it out for me, but my heart wouldn't believe it. And so now I was running, running away from the truth, from the secrets never spoken, from my heart and soul and realisation of life. My life in particular. For fifteen years I had been blamed, and for fifteen years I had also blamed myself. I blamed myself for my birth, blamed myself for never crying out when I should have, and now years of hurt, anger and words were coming back to haunt me. 

Burning tears were streaming down my cheeks as I disappeared into the woods. I didn't care where I was going, didn't care if they came after me, they'd never find me. I was a daughter of nature. I could be as silent as a lioness stalking her prey; I could sing as long and sweet as any bird. But most of all, I could blend into the shadows to hide from the hunter. His words were repeating themselves like a broken record, over and over, endless torture returning with each syllable. How I wanted to get rid of it, wanted to get rid of the pain, but I couldn't. Everything was said, every shadow of my past that I had been chasing were finally in my grasp. But nothing would ever be the same. 

Some shadows are darker than night and more secret than others. They are the one's that are hard to find no matter how much you want to catch them. The secrets that they hold are often too painful to escape. But sometimes you have to escape in order to return. 

You like the prologue? Hope so. Anyway…

Email me, review me, blah blah blah…at…

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Thanks readers!

Sakura_Free_Spirit


	2. Chapter Two

Hello! welcome back. anyway, on with the painful confession.

I…sob…don't…sob…own…sob…CCS…sob…or…sob…CC…sob…sob!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

On with the chapter while I try to find some tissues.

**Sakura's life is tangled and broken. The Ghost returns to her every night and she can't escape his clutches.**

Along comes a stranger, handsome, cool, he is Sakura's only way out. While Sakura chases the Shadows of her Past, Syaoran Li is determined to chase her.

**A Father. A daughter. A stranger. And unspoken secrets.**

It was early morning. A golden sunrise had streaked across the sky, melting into the soft oranges and yellows on the horizon. A large yellow house stood on a crisp green hill, a long path leading the way from house to road at the base of the hill. Past the road was a dense wood, one of the largest in the country, surrounded by fields of corn and wheat. My whole life was spent exploring those woods, escaping from reality to join some fantasy world that I was convinced the animals of the wood lived in. It was a fantasy world of laughter and fun, an easy life where there were no complications. But it wasn't reality, and every evening as the sun set I would have to return to the real world and struggle through a life where I was the black sheep. It all started on this golden sunrise. That morning seemed so innocent to my family as they waited impatiently outside the main bedroom. Natasha Avalon, my mom, was crying out. Aiden Avalon, my father, was pacing the hall. He had been through this five times already and his nervousness never got any better. My brothers and sisters were sat by the wall in a line, oldest to youngest. First there was Touya. He was nine years old and tall for his age with black hair and matching dark brown, nearly black, eyes. Being the oldest he was very protective of us and so had learned how to fight at a young age. He loved to tease us as well but he could be sincere if he needed to be. Second was Julian. He was six years old with glasses and silvery hair and warm grey eyes. He was my favourite brother, always there for everyone, never judging someone without a fair trial. I loved him dearly, but knew he would never understand my troubles. Next was five-year-old Tomoyo. She had long black hair that curled at the tips and deep amethyst eyes. She was loving and pretty, like a china doll. She was dainty with creamy white skin. When I was younger, I loved to just sit on the grass and watch her rock in a chair as she sewed beautiful dresses. She was very creative and very talented from a young age, but although she was my adopted mother, she would also not understand my secrets. Fourth was Eriol. Three years old with the darkest blue hair and blue eyes like the ocean during a storm, he was the quieter and more mysterious of my family. From the second of his birth, a smirk that had no other word but evil was plastered on his pale face. He intimidated everyone, apart from me. Last but not least, there was Meilin. She was a snobby two year old who bossed everyone about, but could have a heart when she thought it was necessary. She had jet-black hair that reached her waist and mischievous burgundy eyes. When I first saw her, even my baby instincts smelt trouble. I was always quiet when she entered the room, more than usual. I would never meet her in the eye and refused to go near her room. To Meilin, I was her slave. 

They were all nervous and fidgety by the wall as mom cried out one last time, and then fell silent. There was a small baby cry and then a baby giggle. Father halted abruptly and turned towards the door as the knob turned. He wore a look of anticipation, but still a look of anxiousness lingering. The nurse opened the door and looked at Father tearfully. In an instant, everyone knew something was dreadfully wrong. Father stumbled into the room after a couple of words with the nurse. He was white faced. He gazed upon his wife, her beautiful jade eyes closed, her pale skin even paler, her body just a limp form as if some rag doll. My siblings piled into the room, not needing to ask what had happened. Mom was dead, the strain of the birth too much for her. I would never be able to decipher the pain they all felt then, only that I was the cause of it. Father was as still as a statue, his features creased into a look of pure horror and sadness. Touya took a step forward and pulled the covers a little lower, revealing the small bundle Mom was still holding. A pair of crystal green eyes stared back at them all, joy in them. The little girl giggled and held out her arms to them all, but none went to pick her up. No, they all recoiled as if they had been stung. The nurse hovered closer and placed a gentle hand on Fathers shoulder.

"Her name is Sakura." She whispered, pointing to the child who was squirming under the fearful gazes of the seven people. 

I never knew then how much pain my birth had caused to my family. Only a few people showed it. Father and Meilin. Meilin's taunting did nothing to my spirit. I had grown up with it, but Father's type of torture was beyond anything I ever understood. Only when a stranger returned to our town, did our secrets begin to be caught.

It was a cold afternoon on a Tuesday. School was out for the winter as the snow had become too thick to travel. I was fifteen that day, average height with silky auburn hair that curved around my face. My eyes were glazed with unshed tears as I walked down the street. It had been fifteen years exactly since Mom had died during my birth, and even though I never knew her, the thought still brought tears to my eyes. I had photos of her. She had been a model, as beautiful as the daylight that I treasured so much. Back at home everyone was mourning. They had decorated the living room with flowers and dressed in black. I, on the other hand, had been banished from the house while the daylight lasted. Being as it was I who had killed her, everyone had agreed that it was inappropriate for me to be present. I had never celebrated my birthday, never had a present. I didn't mind not having one, but it would have been nice to know that they cared enough to make the effort. I stuffed my hands into the pockets of my coat and dragged myself through the snow. It was already knee deep, and although it wasn't snowing at that moment, it was scheduled to continue through the night. As I walked I cursed anyone who wished it were a white Christmas. No one was out. They'd be stupid to come out. But I was the black sheep. Loving nature and the thrilling sensations of the outside world. Up every morning just as the sun rose and never going home until it was pitch black. Yeah, I was the black sheep all right, everyone knew that. I was quiet and different from the girls in my school. They flirted with the boys, had practically three boyfriends a week and spent their time asking each other if they'd had sex yet. They thought I was crazy. I couldn't stand the touch of anybody, never mind boys. Just the thought made me think of returning home that night when…no, I wasn't going to think about it. I'd stop it this time, I'd cry out and Julian or Touya or Tomoyo would come in and see and I'd finally have peace at night. But I knew I wouldn't. I said that every night and I never did. If only I had the courage to speak up…                        

I shuddered from the cold and my thoughts. It was teatime and I was starving. I hadn't had breakfast or lunch and this was the only time I'd manage to get food. Pushing open the door to the shop, I entered. It was warm inside and smelt of herbs and fresh loafs. I breathed deeply and then made my way to the back of the shop where all the sandwiches were. Out of the corner of my eye, I saw him. Unruly brown hair and intense amber eyes, the seventeen year old stood behind the counter, watching me, his features buried in a frown. I looked away and scanned the racks. I knew him. Everyone did. His name was Syaoran Li and he was part of one of the richest families in Tomoeda. But he had been gone for over five years. His mom and dad had broken up and they had all moved away. He was obviously back, but why was he working in a shop? 

I selected a chicken and salad sandwich and then pulled out my money as I made my way over to the counter. He must have worked out who I was, because he was smiling at me, but still a little confusedly.

"Hi." He said. "Which on are you then?"

I was used to this question, though I could never see why anybody could get our family mixed up. Tomoyo is beautiful and Meilin is sexy, whereas I am just plain and quiet. No body ever takes any notice of me, and that's the whole point. But anyway, I was used to this question and so I ignored him. He was a lot friendlier than I remembered. My last memory of him was when Meilin was hanging onto him one day at school and he had this huge glare on his face that felt to pierce you right through the skull. He was very popular back then but never smiled.

"I know you're an Avalon," he continued. "'Cos you look like one. But which one are you? Meilin? Tomoyo?"

"Sakura." I was surprised at the sound of my voice, as I hadn't used it much lately. He blinked at me in utter astonishment and then looked me over. I didn't like being looked over like that; I wanted him to disappear from my life like everybody else did. I continued to look at the floor, hoping he would loose interest.

"Can't be." He declared finally. "You were just a dirty, skinny runt when I saw you last!"

I continued to look at the floor. I still am, I thought. Syaoran rang up my sandwich and a bottle of juice I picked from the side counter and then continued to stare at me.

Go away, I prayed silently. Just look away and forget about me. 

"I'm not going to bite you know." He said gently. I still didn't look up. "Come one Sakura, look at me. I'm not a ghost."

I looked up then, amazed that he remembered. When I was younger I was terrified of ghosts, especially the Ghost that crept into my room at night. I knew better now, I knew who the Ghost was and it made my skin crawl. 

"How is everybody?" he asked. I realised that I would be staying in there a long time, and so I leant on the counter. The sleeves of the coat came up and Syaoran glanced at them.

"Fine." I replied, still amazed by the sound of my voice. I didn't look him directly in the eyes, afraid that I wouldn't see his but the eyes of the Ghost. Still Syaoran's eyes strayed to my arms until he finally frowned and cleared his throat.

"Uhhh…Sakura? What's that on your arms?"

I looked down and hurriedly pulled the sleeves back down, but Syaoran caught my wrist and turned it over. He stared at the scars and cuts up my arms. I was as still as a statue. He was touching me…oh god a boy was touching me. I swallowed to stop myself from throwing up as terrible images crossed through my minds eye. The bed cold and crisp, darkness heavy in the room, the pacing footsteps outside the door, the creak as it opens and the Ghost enters, the draft as the covers are lifted and the Ghost slips in beside me. The shivers and cold hands that run across my body…no Sakura, stop it. Don't torture yourself. But still I was stiff, staring at him with such fear that he let my arm go immediately. Without waiting for him to comment, I picked up my bag and fled from the shop.

Do you like? Please review and email me, I really want to know if you do!!!!!! It'd really help. Thankyou!!!!

Mini_Deamon@btopenworld.com

Cheer me dears!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Sakura_Free_Spirit


	3. Chapter Three

Hi, I'm back. don't own CCS OR CC so don't rub it in. quick and easy, on with the chapter…

**Sakura's life is tangled and broken. The Ghost returns to her every night and she can't escape his clutches.**

Along comes a stranger, handsome, cool, he is Sakura's only way out. While Sakura chases the Shadows of her Past, Syaoran Li is determined to chase her.

**A Father. A daughter. A stranger. And unspoken secrets.**

_It all began one night when I was nearly seven years old. The torture that ruined my life. I curled up in my bed and went to sleep. I don't know how long I lay there, but suddenly I was awake. It was dark and the house was quiet but there was a noise at hand. Feet were pacing slowly out side my door. I made a small squeaking cry, but it wasn't loud enough to draw any attention or wake any of my family up. Eventually, the footsteps left, but the memory of them sent chills down my spine the next morning as I leapt out of bed and ran into Julian's room._

_"There were footsteps outside my room last night." I told him, curling up in his embrace. But my brother shook his head and reassured me that no one could get in. The next night I was happier, and fell asleep with ease. But I woke suddenly, just like the night before. The footsteps were louder somehow as they paced back and forth. I curled up in my bed, terrified to move, breathe, to call out. I wanted to shout, but I was terrified. Slowly, the door opened. The Ghost trespassed into my dreams, made a draught on the pillow. Then it drew away. With my eyes open, the Ghost that had visited my sleep still in the room, I called for my family, but only a whisper escaped me. The place by my bed became empty again and the quiet seeped back. I was young and terrified. I must have done something naughty, I thought, to have a ghost come to me at night. I tried to be good, but the Ghost never went away. I wanted to scream and cry out to my family, but this was my punishment, mom must have sent it to punish me for killing her._

_And when it had gone, had at last taken away its cold and dribbling fingers, I sat with my knees drawn up to my chest and my night gown pulled over my feet, rocking back and forth. _

_I did speak up once to the Ghost, one night when for the first time it spoke. It had called me 'My Precious,' and used Father's voice. I was outraged. The Ghost was stealing my Father's identity. And so, mustering up all the courage I had, I whispered,_

_"I'll tell."    _

_"What shall you tell?" the Ghost asked, its breath close to my ear._

_"I'll tell how you come with fingers and lips. I shall tell that you are very bad because you pretend to be Father."_

_"And whom shall you tell?" the voice breathed against my cheek. I shuddered but boldly replied,_

_"I shall tell Julian and Touya and Tomoyo and Father. I shall tell whoever will listen."_

I did try once; I did try to stop it. Once, so long ago.

_The Ghost had stroked me, running his icy fingers over my young body as it answered,_

_"You must not tell, this is our secret. If you break it, you will pay the penalty. I have many in store. Perhaps one day I will show you. Then you will never be tempted to disclose this secret so special to us."_

I had never spoken out again, too afraid, too young. 

The next morning, Wednesday morning, I was sat out in the fields on the snow. My knees drawn up to my chest, I buried my face in my arms and cried. I was old enough now, old enough to stop it. I should have cried out, but I couldn't. It had happened all over again the night before and I hadn't had the courage to stop it. My childhood fears still acted heavily on what I did when the Ghost returned to my bed. Only now I knew who he was. The purple rings around Father's eyes every morning after the Ghost had appeared, his voice, and his touch. I had realised when I was ten, the year Syaoran had left. But still I hadn't been able to defy him. As the years wore on, I knew he knew that I knew, but that didn't stop him. All the years and the best I could do to rebel was have a shower. And cut myself. I sickened myself, not having the will to stand up to him. But every time I tried my words stuck in my throat and there was nothing I could say. 

As my tears lessened I took out a small blade from my pocket and drew small lined on my arms. The blood seeped out as I made the cuts, my hands shaking, and my eyes wild with hatred. I was dirt. There was bad blood inside of me. The cutting helped me get rid of it, drain it away. Blood stained the pure snow as I watched it drip down my arm. The blade had been put away. Why couldn't I escape? Get away from him? But I knew he would find me again, they all would. No one would understand why I ran away, and I couldn't tell them. No one knew the real Aiden Avalon like I did. To everyone else, he was the university professor, the kindest man in the world, devoted to his family. If only they knew how devoted.

Wiping my tears I stood up from my seat in the snow and turned back towards home. It was lunchtime. As I climbed the path I saw a silver car drive away and Meilin leaning on the doorframe, waving. Her eyes were dreamy and I knew that yet another of her admirers had come. Ignoring her I slipped through the door.

"You'll never guess who's been here?!" Meilin squealed as she followed me in. Again, I ignored her. She'd tell us anyway, even if we said no. Tomoyo looked up from her sewing and raised an eyebrow.

"Who?" she asked, good-naturedly. Meilin looked so happy that I was sure she was going to die and go to heaven right before our eyes. Touya and Julian were setting the table and rolling their eyes at each other as Eriol sat in a chair with the evil smirk he always wore. I settled down on the window seat, away from everyone else and watched the snow fall. 

"Syaoran Li!" she replied, spinning around and collapsing on the sofa. I stiffened. He'd seen my scars and cuts. What if he'd told them? But as Meilin began to talk about how cute he was and that he'd got a silver jaguar, but still had a job at the shop because he wasn't 'too snobby', I knew that if he had, I would have been centre of attention. I didn't want that, I wanted to be on my own. When Meilin had finished and sighed like she was on cloud nine, Julian leant against the fireplace and smiled at her.

"What did he come for?"

That stumped Meilin, and if I ever laughed then I would have just then by the look on her face. I knew that look. He had come to see someone else. Too bad Tomoyo had already got a boyfriend, which must have been why he left so early. But, to my surprise, Meilin turned her fiery gaze to me. Uh oh.

"He came to see Sakura." She told everyone bitterly. I blinked at them all in bewilderment than felt my heart beat faster. No, no, no, this was not good. Father came in then, carrying a bowl of potatoes.

"What's going on?" he asked, watching us all. I shuddered. That voice, it was the voice of my nightmares. Thankfully, his eyes never stopped at me.

"It seems a boy has got a crush on our little squirt." Touya smirked. I curled up into a tighter ball as I watched Father turn his gaze as well to me. No one could see his eyes, but I could. They held anger and jealousy and hatred. I swallowed the fear down and looked away, trying to lessen my trembling. 

Night had fallen heavily on Tomoeda and all the lights had gone out. I had my knees tight against my chest and the covers wrapped tightly around me. I was shaking, my eyes wide with fear and hate and disgust. I wished Syaoran had never come; he had made my life a whole lot worse. The Ghost had been angry that I had attracted a boy, jealousy over powering him. Everything had been harsher, rougher. He had hit me, squeezed me, but still I hadn't cried out. The first light of dawn was creeping through the window and I slipped out of bed and dived into the shower, scrubbing myself and wincing as I came over the many bruises he had given me. I'd had bruises before, and when people noticed Father had told them that I was clumsy and fell. They didn't ask any more. Why doubt the word of Aiden Avalon? The kind man who would never hurt a fly, never lied or cheated? I closed my eyes and leant against the shower wall, my tears mingling with the hot water. I couldn't go on like this, I had to get away. It didn't matter if they brought me back, I couldn't care anymore, and if they did bring me back it would be in a coffin. Leaping out of the shower I pulled some clothes on and stuffed some more in a rucksack. In an instant I was out of the door and running. The snow had melted slightly, and so it was easy to move. I didn't care where I was going, just as long as it ended my torment. I sped off the path and straight into the road. I was greeted by the terrifying squeal of brakes. 

Oh no…poor Sakura. Got depressed yet? Keep reading, you will by the end. Anyway, review, review. I really want to know what my readers think of my work! So pppppplllllllllleeeaaaaassssseeeee review!

Mini_Deamon@btopenworld.com

Thankyou, I'll look forward to reading them! And I'll reply!

Sakura_Free_Spirit


	4. Chapter Four

Hey! Next chapter coming up. This is short story so don't worry. Anyway, don't own anything apart from this fic so please don't sue me!!!!!

**Sakura's life is tangled and broken. The Ghost returns to her every night and she can't escape his clutches.**

Along comes a stranger, handsome, cool, he is Sakura's only way out. While Sakura chases the Shadows of her Past, Syaoran Li is determined to chase her.

**A Father. A daughter. A stranger. And unspoken secrets.**

A boy was stood over me, the golden sky behind him bright and new and inviting. His intense amber eyes reminded me of someone I knew, someone who had done me harm…I think. That was when I blinked and focused. Syaoran Li…

He reached down and wrapped his arms around me. Oh no…pain…it was going to happen again!

"Please…" I whimpered. "Please don't hurt me." his grip on me tightened and I cried out again, struggling. This person was different. He didn't drown me in authority and force, he was gentle. But still, he was touching me. I was dirty, he'd get contaminated, and he had to move away.

"Sakura? Sakura, calm down. What's the matter?" Syaoran's soft voice floated over to me, but didn't calm me. I was scared I would be put through what I had been last night, thrown about. Eventually he let me go and kneeled in front of me.

"Sakura. Listen to me. Are you all right? I didn't hit you did I?"  

Such a simple question, but it filled me with sorrow. It could have all been over, in a single second. I scooted away from him and looked away.

"I wish you had." I murmured. The look on his face could have calmed me, if I wasn't seeing the Ghost's eyes, full of anger and hunger. I shut my own eyes tightly and trembled, preparing myself for nightmares. Syaoran touched my shoulder and I jumped away from him, as if I had been burnt.

"Please, leave me alone!" I cried, scrambling up and darting into the woods. But he was after me in a second, calling my name. Just a single touch from him would bring memories to my eyes and I didn't want that. But I was weak, emotionally and physically and soon I collapsed in a field. Syaoran slowed and sat next to me, his eyes full of worry.

"Sakura? What's going on?"

I didn't answer, just stared out at the fields.

"Sakura? Let me see your wrists."

"No." I whispered, a word I had longed to say, but had never had the courage. The scars and cuts were my way out, the only evidence of what the Ghost had done to me over the years. Again he touched my hand and I flinched. I knew he was confused, bewildered, but I didn't know him. Why was he still here? What right did he have to invade on my shame? Biting my lip, I turned to him.

"Go away, please. I don't need help."

Yes I do! I cried in my mind. I need love! I need hope and faith that I can survive this! But my words had been said and with a nod he left, a little uncertainly, but he left and drove off in his fancy silver jaguar. I was alone again. Alone, except for the nightmares. 

As I sat in the fields and woods, back home my family were beginning to get worried. It was past dark, when I usually returned, and still I hadn't come home. Father was the most worried, terrified even, but not for the same reason as my brothers and sisters. All night I was gone and half the next day too, until I grew too hungry and returned. I had rested and spent a peaceful night out in the cold without the Ghost haunting my dreams. When I entered the door, the first thing that happened was Julian and Tomoyo sweeping me up in their arms. I was shocked and scared. More touching. But they were family, and I bared it for a few seconds before I struggled free. 

That night when the Ghost slipped back into my dreams to haunt me, his eyes bore more hunger and anger than I had ever seen. When I woke in the morning, I looked as if I had been attacked. My nose was bloody and my arm swollen and scratches covered my body. Very gently, I got washed and then took out my blade as I set out to the fields. I was contaminated again, and more cuts than ever would be needed to drain it away.

This went on for weeks. Syaoran came to see me many times, though I never let him close enough to see my injuries. I was actually thankful for having Meilin as a sister as she occupied him for me while I got away. I felt so helpless. The Ghost was getting worse and worse and every time I ran away for a night he released one of the penalties on me as he had threatened when I was younger. I was beginning to fear what he would do to me next. Meilin was convinced that Syaoran had fallen for her at last and spent most of her time trying on outfits that Tomoyo had designed and made. I hoped that he had, and then he would get off my back. He had become more and more insistent on seeing my arms, more and more concerned every time he saw me. I was alone in the world; no one would ever believe me. 

I ran down the side of the road, heading for the park. There I could think away from the preying eyes of the village. I had been sitting on the swings for half an hour when he turned up, a small smile on his face but his eyes revealing how anxious he was. His unruly brown hair fell lazily over one eye and blew lightly in the wind. I realised then how handsome he was, sitting there beside me, not looking at me but surveying me in some other way. I didn't speak, and neither did he until several minutes had passed.

"Sakura, why were you so afraid of ghosts when you were younger?" he asked casually. I blinked in surprise and stared at him. That was a question I couldn't answer, wouldn't answer. I stayed silent.

"Why don't you like people touching you? Why aren't you like anyone in your family?" he persisted, finally turning to me and meeting my eye. For the first time that I could remember, I didn't see the Ghost's hungry eyes staring back at me. I held his gaze for a moment, and then broke it, watching the sun set.

"Because I'm different." I replied truthfully. It was the truth, but not the whole truth. He seemed to see that, but didn't press me about it. Again he asked the question that I had heard from him every time I saw him.   

"Can I see your wrists?"

I folded my arms protectively and shook my head. Why couldn't he just leave me be? 

"Sakura I want to help." He whispered earnestly, having the good knowledge not to touch me. I shivered, thinking about what would happen if it told him, what he would think of me then. Dirt. That was what the Ghost said. I was dirt. I wasn't good for anything. All I brought was death and unhappiness, and so I needed a punishment in return. Tears pricked at my eyes. I had cried so much over the past weeks that I could hardly believe that I could continue. Furiously, I wipe them away and glared at the images that came to my mind. The Ghost's sick laughter and nightmarish voice that seemed to creep up on me and chill me to the bone. Syaoran must have realised what I was thinking about as he reached out, but didn't touch me, and said,

"Tell me what you're thinking."

I hesitated before the words tumbled out. These were neither the truth, but neither were they false. 

"I'm thinking what the Ghost told me. That I'm worthless, I bring death and sadness wherever I go. I'm thinking about my punishment for it."

I daren't look at him, knowing that he would see my reprimand in my glazed eyes. Knowing that I didn't want him to work out my sorrow, my cowardliness. He was part of my life now, whether I liked it or not, and I would die first before he or anyone else found out. His next words were so surprising, that I nearly confessed everything to him.

"You're not worthless Sakura, you're special. At least, you are to me." he stole a quick glance of my shocked face and then carried on hastily. "You're different from the other girls, you're quieter, more thoughtful. You're a mystery that I want to unravel. Take Meilin for example. She's bossy, sexy, annoying and completely power hungry. While you are mysterious, beautiful, quiet, exciting, and much more. You're unique." 

I swallowed down tears and looked away, staring once more into burgundy sky and trying to draw the last of its warmth to me. A terrible foreboding had come upon me. I had the feeling that the worst of all penalties was in store for me tonight, and I would need the comfort for the next morning if I were going to carry out what I wanted to do. Syaoran's last words were echoing around my mind and I gulped once more.

"Yes, I am unique. Just not in the way you think." My words must have confused him, but I was being overcome by memories, the cold, hard truth of it all. I had enough strength to refrain from telling him, but my feelings were in an uproar and I needed peace. Especially if I wanted to survive tonight.

"The Ghost made me that way. I would be like Meilin and Tomoyo and all the other girls from my school. I could be chasing boys, worrying about clothes and money, I should be excited about losing my virginity like a normal teenage girl. But no, the Ghost had other ideas. It wasn't my fault that I was born; I never asked to be brought into a world I didn't understand! I never wanted for it to happen!" I was in hysterics now, gripping the swing chains so tightly that they were cutting into my hands and drawing blood. Syaoran was pale, trying to form some understanding around my words. But he'd never find any. My out of control emotions were fuelling my babbled words. 

"It wasn't my fault! I didn't want to be born! Why does he have to punish me for acting one way when I don't know any other?!?!?!" 

Syaoran had the good sense of mind to still not touch me. I think he realised that that would have sent me into a worse hysteria. 

"The Ghost may go away sometimes, but he's always there with me, in my mind! I never have any peace!" I screamed, but then suddenly, I fell quiet. My tear stained face grew miserable and I slumped in my seat on the swings. I'd had another, more painful revelation. "But it's not his fault, in the end. It was I who was born, and at the same time committed a crime that can never be justified. And in consequence, the Ghost is just repaying me for causing so much distress. While I'm not justifiable, my punishment by the Ghost is."

My words were so soft, so quiet, that I was surprised that even I heard it. Syaoran was staring at me in such bewilderment and such love, that I felt sorry for him. He could never love a girl like me. Contaminated, ugly, dirty, full of bad blood. And in return I could never love anyone, afraid that the shadows I chase just might be caught in their arms. With a defeated sigh, I closed my eyes. Syaoran shifted uncomfortably, and I knew he was going to say something else. Something that might just make my life harder.

"You know Sakura? Your father is really an amazing man." I tried to keep the disgust out of my eyes when I looked at him. "I asked him if I could…" he trailed off, embarrassed by whatever he had asked. But he took one look in my eyes and seemed to draw courage from them. It was nice to know someone could. "I asked him if I could ask you out."

I swear my heart stopped beating and my blood boiled in fear. Oh no. How could he do this to me? Now I knew what to expect tonight. The real deal of the ghost's penalties. Syaoran carried on, oblivious to my terrified eyes. "He's a wonderful man, I'm not surprised you love him so much. And he obviously loves you. You know what he said? He was very supportive, but he said that you still loved him very much and he wasn't sure if he wanted to share you just yet!"

Syaoran looked as though he found it brilliant, that his idol was not only the perfect man but he could also joke as well. But that was what worried me. He wasn't joking. My eyes were closed as I tried to suppress my trembling. I didn't want to go home tonight, not to what the Ghost would have in store for me. But if I didn't go, he would take out his anger on someone else, and I wouldn't be able to stand that happening. Never in my life would I want someone to go through what I did. Never. But maybe if he got the biggest of all penalties out of his system, then when I was gone he would leave it at that? It was my punishment after all, why would he subject it on someone else? But I didn't want to test my theory. Syaoran had finally noticed my horror and was looking even more perplexed than he was before, and that was saying something. In an instant I was up.

"He'll be back tonight," I whispered shakily. "The Ghost. He'll be jealous and hungry and angry all in one." I met Syaoran's confused gaze with my own fiery one. "You've just put in the last nail on my coffin."

And then I was gone, with a last tearful goodbye that only lasted a heartbeat. I had said more than I wanted to, so much that he might've just worked it out. But I could take chances, now that I had made my decision. I would leave with the darkness.

Oh dear, things are getting bad. Poor Syaoran! He's really got no clue has he?

Do you like it? Can you please review me? I'd really appreciate it and will send a reply!

Mini_Deamon@btopenworld.com

Sakura_Free_Spirit


	5. Chapter Five

Hey peeps! Are you reviewing yet? Can you please review, good or bad I don't particularly care just as long as you review about what you think!!!

Ok, now for this. I can't believe my friends making me write this…

I DO NOT OWN CCS OR CC CLAMP DOES!!!

That was so hard!!!!!!!! Anyway, on with the fic…

**Sakura's life is tangled and broken. The Ghost returns to her every night and she can't escape his clutches.**

Along comes a stranger, handsome, cool, he is Sakura's only way out. While Sakura chases the Shadows of her Past, Syaoran Li is determined to chase her.

**A Father. A daughter. A stranger. And unspoken secrets.**

That last night happened so quickly, that it took me a while to become accustomed to it. Everything had started off the same, the darkness, the feet, the sheets. But the Ghost had brought with it one deadly weapon. Friends. The horrors of the Ghost were tripled twice over, repeatedly causing me pain through the night. They made so much noise that I wondered why no one was coming to see what the problem was. But I knew they never would. My room was in the basement, so far from everyone else that I sometimes felt to be in a completely different world. No one could hear in, and no one could hear out. Something the ghost had made sure of. As the first signs of dawn crept over the horizon, I quickly got dressed and slipped out of the house. Why did everyone always say the last time was easier? For me, it was harder. As I walked away, I never looked back. That life was over now and it was the start of a bright new day. The snow had melted but it was still icy and I had to take care as I followed the tracks through the woods and into the fields. I had the feeling that someone was following me. Quickening when I quickened, stopping when I stopped. But every time I turned, no one was there. Closing my eyes, I let out the breath I had been holding. I had been afraid that it was the Ghost, come to take me home and start all over again. But that wasn't going to happen. Not ever again. I would finally be able to live in peace. Soundlessly, I walked to my favourite spot. It was in the middle of a green field, though now the green was highlighted by ice, at the brim of a hill, where an old oak tree stump sat, overlooking other fields. It brought me into a mood of peace and calm whenever I sat there watching life buzz around me in the fields while I seemed to be suspended in time. I settled on the stump and sighed, shooting a startled glance to my right when I heard the snap of a twig. But no one had followed, I had made sure of that. Everyone was asleep at this early hour. No one was crazy enough to be awake at this time. Apart from me of course. Reassuring myself that no one was there, I turned back to the view and silently pulled out a blade. 

Seven-year-old Sakura sat on her bed, hugging her knees as the Ghost silently crept away.

I felt tears sting my eyes and I rubbed them with the back of my hand. I didn't want tears right now. I didn't want memories.

Young Sakura sat by Julian, shaking her head fearfully as he asked her if anyone came in to her room at night.

Why didn't I tell him? I'm sure he was suspicious; he had been cold to Father all that week. If only I wasn't such an idiot.

Ten-year-old Sakura glowered at her smiling Father as he stroked her arm. The Ghost was real.

The blade in my hand was trembling as I cut the small marks on my arms over the other scars. This pain was welcome. This was the physical pain I wanted. I never asked for the emotional one that seemed to battle in my mind.

Twelve-year-old Sakura shut her eyes tightly as the door creaked open and light footsteps entered her room. Screaming was not an option any more.

But I could have. What could he have done to me? Hitting me would just prove that he was abusing me. But finally this could all end. I raised the blade over my wrist.

Fourteen-year-old Sakura looked away from the girls in her class. They were expecting an answer, an answer she couldn't give.

"Well?" Rika demanded. "Have you ever had sex or not?"

Sakura squirmed and tried to keep the haunting images from her mind. The other girls were sniggering and nudging each other. Sakura glared at them but didn't answer. She didn't know what to say. Rika smirked.

"I'll take that as a yes and no then." But she winked at the other girls and they sneered. Sakura held her head in her hands.

That wasn't very long ago. I never did tell them, but they must have seen the look on my face. The word got round to Tomoyo, through gossiping Meilin, and it worried her. Especially since I never did answer her questions. Never denying it, but never actually saying that I had willingly. I could have told her then when she asked if I had been raped. Could have shouted 'Yes! Yes! I have! So many times that it makes me sick!' but my words never did leave me, never came out in the open, and so she soon left it at that and continued her daily life. But now I can finish it. I placed the blade on my wrist and pressed hard. 

I can end the pain, forever.

I watched as he placed a bandage over the cut. Watched as the blood stained it and covered it. I was filling a little dizzy, but it was nothing serious. He had interrupted my plans…again.

Syaoran must have had the fright of his life, watching me try to kill myself. He had followed me to the field and watched as I cut myself, but taking my own life was way beyond anything he could bare. He had raced out of the woods, crying out in horror as I made the first deep cut in my wrist. He had snatched the blade from my hand and thrown it away from reach before I could cut any deeper that would sufficiently gain me freedom. Now he was crouching in front of me, reaching out to wipe my tears. I stared at him, terrified, and then fell off the stump as I tried to get away. He frowned and then came a little closer. I knew he wouldn't hurt me, but still his nearness sent chills running through my body. No body had ever been that close but the Ghost. His features softened into a look of sorrow and concern. He pointed to my cuts.

"Tell me." he whispered. "Please Sakura, I want to understand why. Why would you try to take your own life?"

"You'd never understand." I replied, keeping of much of the sadness from my voice as I could. But Syaoran was sensitive, he knew me better than I knew myself and heard the despair in my statement. He stared into my eyes. Intense amber on crystal green.

"Try me. I want to understand. I want to help. But I can't help if you don't let me in, don't explain what all this is about." I didn't answer, too afraid of what I would say. I yearned for someone to be able to share my pain, be able to understand, and I wondered if he was the one I could finally lay to rest my secrets on. "Sakura!" he cried exasperatedly, running a hand through that dark unruly hair. "You have money, a wonderful home, a large family so you can't be lonely."

"But I am lonely." I said under my breath, hoping he wouldn't hear. He did, but took no notice of it. For now. When I still didn't answer he began to get angry. The old Syaoran that I remembered showing through.

"Dammit Sakura, its just what I thought. You're a spoiled little brat. I thought you were different from all the others, but obviously not. You have all you could ever need, but you've chosen to ignore it. You have a home, a loving family and a father that is devoted to you…"

I was shocked. A spoiled brat? How could he even think that! A loving home? I didn't even know what any of those things were! He carried on. Ranting about how ungrateful I was. I was loved, adored by a father who was always there, he said. That got me. In an instant I was up, glaring down on him with such anger, such betrayal that he fell silent and stared at me.

"I thought you were different!" I screamed. "I thought you'd understand! I thought you'd be able to see through it all! I am alone! I am lonely! You said I was unique, different from the rest. Well I am, but in a completely different way to what you think! You said Father was devoted to me, always around me! You'll never know how right you are!!!!!!" I was crying, screaming, trembling, but I was in a rage. Before I could stop them, my story was pouring out onto the unsuspecting Syaoran, who still sat beneath me in silent shock. His face slowly began to turn into horror as I spoke. Except that would be too weak a word. I was shrieking. All the pain, anger and hurt over the past fifteen years of my life had finally rolled into one and broke through my barriers.

"I never knew how much they hurt! Never knew how much my birth hurt them! I killed mom. If I hadn't been born then she'd be alive to look after them all! He punished me for it. The Ghost. He was giving me what I deserved!!!!"

Syaoran was staring at me. I saw it in his eyes. He knew, but he didn't believe it. He had to hear it from me.

"You want to know why I was so scared of ghosts when I was younger? All right then, I'll tell you. It stared when I was six. Footsteps outside my door, pacing back and forth for minutes on end. Then one night, the footsteps changed and opened the door. I thought it was a ghost. It came into my room and…and…" I choked on a sob, my barriers trying to rebuild themselves, but they weren't strong enough. I went on. "It pulled back the covers and got in beside me. It had icy, dribbling fingers than ran across my body. It had cold lips that searched me. I was terrified, stiff with horror. Every night it happened, and I never spoke up, terrified of what would happen. I knew it was punishment for killing mom and I didn't want to upset the balance of things. Until one night, when it finally spoke. It spoke with a voice I knew well, held dear to my heart. But now it sends shivers down my spine just thinking about it. I told the Ghost that I'd tell, tell anyone who would listen. But he said that if I did he had penalties to give me. He said that he'd show me some time, and so I'd never tell anyone. I was so young, so vulnerable that I took heed of his word and never told anyone. For all this time I never cried out, my childhood fears weighing on me heavily. I hate myself. I'm dirty. I've got bad blood." I showed him my arms, covered in cuts and scars. Syaoran shivered when he saw them and looked away. "I try to get rid of it. I try to drain it away, but it never works. I always get dirtied up again." tears were streaming down my cheeks but I made no effort to stop them or wipe them away. Now that I'd started, I'd never stop until everything was out in the open. Syaoran looked so pale that I thought all the blood had been drained from him. He was drinking every word with such horror, but he couldn't stop himself. I took a shaking breath before I continued. "I found out who he was when I was ten. He knew that I'd found out, but it never stopped him. Every night the torment returned, but I never resisted, never defied him. It was so obvious, but it had taken me all that time to work out that it wasn't a ghost." My voice was a mere whisper now and when I told him who the Ghost was, he uttered an astonished gasp and grabbed my wrist tightly. He was shaking as much as I was. "The Ghost was Father."

I felt better than I had in ages, but the realisation of what I had done was weighing heavily on my shoulders and I slumped to the ground, drawing my knees up to my chest for comfort. Syaoran looked like he'd seen a ghost. Which in some way, he had. He'd seen my Ghost. And he'd caught my shadow of the past. I continued to explain how I'd felt when I was younger and my descriptions were so life like, so acute to every detail, that I saw tears come to Syaoran's eyes. I was retelling it more for my benefit than his. I had to face my past, not run from it. Syaoran's grip on my wrist tightened painfully as I finished on the last night when the Ghost had brought friends. I waited for him to tell me that I was lying. Mr Avalon would never do things like that! But he didn't. He just watched me quietly.

"I'm sorry Sakura." He whispered. "It was so clear, but I didn't see it. You being afraid of ghosts and then dark. The bruises, why you cut yourself, being terrified of your father, never wanting to go home at night. God, I could have helped you! Everyone would! You just had to say something and it would have all been over long ago."  

"Do you really believe that people would have believed me? The perfect professor, the perfect father, the perfect husband? He's loved everywhere. Why would anyone believe me? The black sheep. The wretched daughter who always does things wrong. The daughter who is so strange? I don't even know why I've told you." I was beginning to realise what I'd done, and I was deeply regretting it. Syaoran let go of my wrist and shuffled a little closer, and I allowed him, though I glanced at him uneasily.

"I believe you. You need to tell your Father that you've had enough." I shook my head furiously but he took my hand gently and kissed it. Funnily enough, I didn't mind it coming form him. He was different.

"Please Sakura, I…care about you." he said this was extreme amount of blushing. "More than you know. Once you get this over with I'll take you away. You'll live with me, finish school and then we'll get married." He suddenly blushed an even deeper red, dropping my hand and rubbing the back of his neck hesitantly. "Uhh…well…that's if-if you want to of course." He glanced at me. And for the first time in years, I smiled. And if I'd known what he was thinking about me then, I might have run as far away as possible. Or I might have jumped into his arms and said, take me away. I've been waiting for you all my life.

I don't know how he'd got me to do it, but I was stood outside Father's study, opening the door to go in. Syaoran was by the window in the garden, watching in case anything went wrong. I stood in front of him, my fear lingering but something overcoming it. Love. Love for Syaoran and I would do anything to go with him, and this was the only way. Time to face the shadows. I spoke, I repeated and I held my head high. Father listened, slight amusement on his face. I didn't like his look. It made me feel small, like a bug he could squash easily if he wanted to. After a moments silence, he replied.

"You can't escape Sakura."

I felt myself shrinking under his gaze, but fought to stay in control.

"I'll tell."

He laughed then, a strange, insane laugh that reminded me of the Ghost and chilled me to the bone.

"I'm sure I've heard that before," he said, fake thought on his face. Suddenly, he broke into a wide grin as if he'd just remembered. "Ah yes, you were seven I believe, just when the 'ghost' started coming. You said that then and got an answer. Why do you think if you say it now the answer will be any different?"

Breathe Sakura. In. out. In. out. You can do this. I glared at him, courage I had always wanted suddenly found.

"This time threats won't work. I'm not a child any more, I know the differences between right and wrong!" I was getting hysterical again, and from the look on Father's face, he was building up to it.

"And I suppose it was right for you to kill your mother?!" he hollered, bearing down on me. But I didn't flinch. He couldn't do this to me now, not when I'd just escaped the clutches of doom; I wasn't falling into them again.

"No, it wasn't! But isn't that torture enough? Just knowing?! You've always singled me out, though it was never that obvious to anyone around us! You killed my spirit and then my self-respect and then my heart. But that can be repaired. Why can't you understand? It wasn't my fault! I never meant to be born! I couldn't help it!" 

Father's face was going from red to purple, and I could see him struggling to            control something inside of him. An excuse maybe. But I wanted to hear it. Wanted to hear it all, and so I took a final leap. I should have known that it would be into a black hole. 

"You wanted a child, you got one, but this time it came at a cost!"

"But you were unwanted! You were a mistake!!!!!!!!!!!" he thundered. Then everything was silent. Anger evaporated. Fear replaced it. I felt my throat catch and my heart stop.

"No…" I murmured. "M…mistake?" 

Jeez, life for Sakura just keeps getting worse and worse! Poor girl…

Review, review….you really want to review…it depends on my life….

Mini_Deamon@btopenworld.com

Thank you!

Sakura_Free_Spirit


	6. Chapter Six

Wow, no reviews yet. Is it really that bad? Come on, all you have to do is write a sentence and then click send. It takes less than a minute. Are you really that lazy? (Lol)

Before those men in black suits and shades come like they did in my friend's fic, I need to write this…

I don't own ccs. I DON'T own ccs. I DON'T own ccs. Ok MIB peeps? I DON'T so you don't need to sue me of the little stuff I have!!!!!!!

Teehee…don't mind me. They really annoy me, as I'm sure you can see. I had a little trouble with them in the past.

Anyway, on with the fic!!!!!!!!!!

**Sakura's life is tangled and broken. The Ghost returns to her every night and she can't escape his clutches.**

Along comes a stranger, handsome, cool, he is Sakura's only way out. While Sakura chases the Shadows of her Past, Syaoran Li is determined to chase her.

**A Father. A daughter. A stranger. And unspoken secrets.**

I was running. Running harder than I ever had before. I was a mistake. Unwanted. And I had killed mom. Why couldn't I see it before? It was so clear and plain before my eyes but I'd refused to acknowledge it. I was in the wood, running further and further into its depths. Once I was far enough, no one would ever find me unless I wanted them to. It never occurred to me that I wouldn't be able to find them either.

It was already early afternoon and I was surprised at how fast everything had come and gone. My freedom had been short lived. Syaoran had lost track of me minutes ago and I hoped he had got home safely. Against everything I had ever believed he had fallen in love with me, and I with him. Poor Meilin. If she ever found out she'd be distraught. I was glad that I wouldn't be there to see her fury when she did. 

I wasn't tiring. Wasn't confronting my pain like I had told myself was the key to freedom. I was running from the truth again, but this time I'd never stop. The tables had turned. I wasn't chasing my shadows anymore, they were chasing me.

With strength that even amazed me I leapt across the stream and landed lightly on the other side at a run. I was breathing heavily, but I knew how far I'd come. I was further into the wood than anyone in our town had ever been. There were roomers that bears lived in this part of the woods, but I never had believed them. I found the idea of bears in Tomoeda a little farfetched. 

I didn't really have any idea of what I wanted to do. I had only ever got as far as the running in my plan, and the next part was starting to worry me. As I walked, bathed in the dappled light that escaped the clutches of the trees, I suddenly felt scared. I wished Syaoran was there with me, to protect me, and I scolded myself. This had been a very bad idea. Why couldn't I have just run into Syaoran's arms instead of the arms of my shadows? He would have taken me away from all this. He wanted to look after me, marry me when we got older. But what was stopping me? I could easily go back. But as I turned, I realised I was lost.

"Oh yeah Sakura, wonderful plan. You run away on the spur of the moment, then get lost. You're an excellent planner, really you are." I murmured, sarcastically. Something else was also stopping me returning. Fear. The Ghost's control on my life, on my body, had left me scarred not just on the outside, but on the inside too. I would never escape incest. The Ghost had preyed on my mind and now I was terrified of touch. But, another part of me whispered. Syaoran is different. He makes you feel safe and loved. He kissed you and touched you and you didn't see the Ghost. That was true. But it still didn't get me anywhere. I was lost whether I liked it or not. And I definitely did not. 

Darkness had fallen and the woods were spooky and gloomy. Shadows crept and slinked around me, taunting me. I rubbed my arms for comfort and carried on walking. I was hungry and cold, lonelier than I had ever been. This had definitely not been a good idea. Why did I even think I would survive this? Yes, I had slept the night in the woods before. But that was with blankets, warmer clothes and I was near the town. Here…I didn't even nowhere here was! The night was stirring with unknown creatures that lurked in the gloom. Eyes seemed to be following me, noises seemed inhuman, and the trees seemed alive! I said I was alone, but I wasn't. I would never be alone in these woods, and that was not a good thing. I stifled a sob and sunk into the hollow of a tree where I curled up and fell into fitful, nightmarish, sleep.

I woke to the sharp touch of someone. I groaned and turned over in my bed. The touch came again and again, pushing me, rolling me. I was too tired; I didn't want to get up. Who was trying to wake me? And where had the Ghost been last night? Yes, he had trespassed in my dreams, but not in true form, just in spirit. And why was my bed so hard and uncomfortable? Slowly, my eyes fluttered open. I was greeted by a round, hairy face with two black eyes and a long nose that was examining my face. I gently pushed it away and then focused. I screamed. The baby bear howled and ran away as I sat up, banged my head on the tree, sat up again and scrambled out of the hollow. Oh no, bear, bear, baby bear. I just woke up, to a bear sniffing me. I wanted to go home. The Ghost was better than this! Well, maybe not, but I was terrified. The baby was howling still and then suddenly fell quiet. I began to walk slowly away. An answering roar and the cracking of trees made me stop abruptly. I was stuck to the spot with terror. Oh man…this was not good. Not good at all! An adult bear walked into the clearing. I couldn't move, couldn't breathe. That bear could crush me in a second with one swipe of her mighty claws. Whatever I did, I didn't want to draw attention to myself. The baby, on the other hand, had other ideas. Overcoming the initial shock, the baby began to inspect me again. With a final sniff, he took my hurt wrist in his mouth. I knew a little about bears, and so in my memory there was some information that told me that baby bears did this to announce friendship. They just played like that. Too bad it took too long to come to me. I let out a pained cry and hit the baby around the head, pulling my wrist out of its jaws. Again, it let out a howl and ran to its mother. I stopped dead. Everything was silent. I took a cautious step back. The mother bear let out a piercing growl and leapt at me. If there was one other thing I knew about bears, it was that they always protected their young, no matter what. I gasped and threw myself backwards as she swiped at me. I heard the tear of my jacket and felt an intense sting before I rolled away and dived at a tree, scrambling up a branch and swiftly leaping onto the others until I was high enough to be out of her reach. She ran at the tree and growled, low and menacing again. I locked my legs around the branch and held onto the trunk as the tree shook in warning. There was a deafening crack…and then silence. I looked down. The bears were nowhere in sight and I was alone once more. I let out the breath I had been holding and sighed shakily. That had been a close call. It's amazing how, when you're scared out of your wits, any other emotion or senses go out of your mind. Then, they come back to haunt you at full pelt. A pain shocked through me, severe and extreme, right across my side, just below my ribs. With a shiver, I looked down. My clothes were covered in blood and a deep gash greeted me with a forceful pain that made my head ache. Trembling, I began to climb down. Another thing about pain and fear is that you loose all control over your muscles. Its like they are made of jelly and refuse to obey you. I got five feet from the ground, and then fell the rest of the way. I rolled and moaned, curling up on the ground and shivering. I was cold, freezing in fact, and pain beyond belief was coursing through me. Without holding back, I began to cry. 

When I woke again I was shivering, shuddering. Teeth chattering. Cold? It wasn't that cold, was it? The shakes grabbed me and squeezed me. My teeth chattered uncontrollably. Chills. Fever, that's what it was. I had a fever. The nearest aspirin was all the way in town. No wait, Touya had Advil. All I had to do was ask him. He…Touya? Do you have that Advil? But no, of course not, Touya was…somewhere. 

I was sick. Bad sick. Too sick to think straight…

                                                                     …Dark. The chills had subsided. Now I could just feel the burning. So hot I wanted to take my clothes off but that was a bad idea… 

                                                      …Sliding in and out of consciousness. I was helpless. Defenceless. Weak. Anyone, anything could come and attack me…

                                          …I felt light headed. Hallucinated. Saw mom. Saw her there, holding me, drying my tears. Saying something…but what? Survive. Syaoran is looking for you. Did she say that? Was she really there? Had to listen. Had to wake up! Dammit, I had to live! Pain from the gash. Blood dripping…

                                       …I was up, moving, crawling. Was I awake? Yes, now, but I'd started moving while I was asleep. The pain was dull now, but still there. I had my jumper tied around it. Did I do that? Where was I? The trees looked familiar…

                                                   …Awake. Jolted awake. A voice. A voice I knew. It was held close to my heart. Who was it? Shouting a name…for god sake, wake up! Think! The name they're calling…so familiar…

               …Crawl. Stop. Crawl. Stop. Crawl. Nearly there. Know myself now, awake, alive. An opening. The shouting louder. I gasped as I climbed the small mound and looked over. A boy…I know him…love him…calling me. No, vision blurring…must stay awake. Call back, Sakura, call back…

                             …My voice, weak but louder as I tried to get his attention. So tired…can't move any longer. I'm here…I'm here…why can't he hear me? But he has. He's walking, running now, coming towards me. Smile, relax. Soft amber eyes. Words I can't decipher. Hold on Sakura…hold on…

                           …Darkness.

Oh no! Is she dead? Syaoran must have found her just in time right? RIGHT?!?!?! 

Tune in next time to find out.

Don't forget to review me…

Mini_Deamon@btopenworld.com

See ya!

Sakura_Free_Spirit


	7. Chapter Seven Completed

Hello! welcome to the final chapter…

I do not own ccs. Don't rub it in.

On with chapter…

**Sakura's life is tangled and broken. The Ghost returns to her every night and she can't escape his clutches.**

Along comes a stranger, handsome, cool, he is Sakura's only way out. While Sakura chases the Shadows of her Past, Syaoran Li is determined to chase her.

**A Father. A daughter. A stranger. And unspoken secrets.**

Its funny how things work out, in the end. I thought I'd never escape, but I did. Thought I'd never defy the Ghost, but I did. Thought I'd never find love…but I did. It's been eight years now, since that winter that changed my life forever. I did all the things that I'd always wanted to do. And found more. Syaoran asked me if I wanted to leave Father the moment I woke up in hospital. I had looked out of the window and saw the first signs of spring break through the barrier of winter. I'd smiled and turned back to him. The thing was, I had left Father the moment the Ghost's footsteps started outside my room on that one lonely night when I was six years old. And I didn't intend on going back. We told no one what had happened that winter, and so only I, Syaoran, my brothers and sisters, and Father bare the knowledge. 

Father is retired now, living happily still in my child hood home, the large yellow house on top of the crisp green hill. He seems happy enough, but I know that he will always bare the knowledge that he ruined his youngest daughter's life and could never replace what he had lost himself. 

Dr Touya, thirty-two years old now, is blissfully married to Kaho Mc Kenzie, a beautiful and wonderful woman. They have three children at the moment, but I expect Kaho to be pregnant. They have a nine-year-old girl called Sophia, a seven-year-old boy called Mathew and a four-year-old boy called Takashi. They live near and I still see him, but I don't think Touya ever forgave me for killing Mom, no matter how much he hides it.

Julian is twenty-nine and not married, although he is in a long term relationship with a girl who was his high school sweet heart, and I have a sneaking suspicion that he's going to propose to her. I see him a lot, and I can read him like a book. He's a businessman, owns his own company, a bank. It's doing very well and I'm pleased for him.

Tomoyo has just been married to a boy named Takami, one of her models. She's a clothes designer and has many shows. I am one of her (Reluctant) models. She's twenty-eight and still looks like she did when I was fifteen. 

Eriol has disappeared from everyone's lives, apart from mine. He's twenty-six now and lives in England, or so I hear from his letters. He's dating, not in a relationship yet, and was the first one to confront me about the Ghost when I came out of hospital. He had known all along, and when I asked why he didn't stop it, he said that everything happens for a purpose and that if he had stopped it, I would have never found my soul mate. That's Eriol for you. The riddle master.

Last but not least, there's twenty five year old Meilin. Still as sexy as ever, she is a movie star and has a six-year-old girl. I never believed it at first, but when the story came out to my family Meilin was the first to comfort me. She stood by my side through everything, and now we are closer than ever. I was there when she was pregnant at nineteen, and I was there when she went into labour alone. I held her hand and helped her raise Trudy, her daughter. (I also kicked the S.O.B who made her pregnant and then left her.) Now, she is engaged to Syaoran's best friend, Ryushi. Dashingly handsome and the perfect gentleman he loves Meilin and Trudy dearly. 

Finally, there is me. Sakura Avalon, twenty-three years old and married to Syaoran Li. We've been married for five years, and never has anything made me happier. We have a four-year-old daughter called Kestrel and a three-month-old son called Ty. It just goes to show, that every tale does have a happy ending no matter how hard the beginning. Love triumphs over everything. And no matter how far you fall, you always return.

There! Finished! Did you like it? Please email and review me cos I really want to know what you thought.

Mini_Deamon@btopenworld.com

Thank you and I'll be back with another fic soon.

Also read my other fics called-  FORBIDDEN LOVE

                                               FORBIDDEN LOVE II-The Dark Wave  

Others coming soon!!!!!!!!!!

Sakura_Free_Spirit


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